THE DOOMED

In the local mental ward sat two humans.

Each lying on his bed.

David is fat and unattractive.

Jimmy is attractive and disturbed.

"Do I look ugly?" David asked.

"No, you look great." Jimmy said while reading a book.

"Because I think I look ugly."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because I look ugly, do I look ugly?"

"Do you think you look ugly?" Jimmy said.

"I don’t care what I think; I want to know what you think?"

"I think you’re a beautiful man."

"You do, really?"

"Yeah, you’re a great looking man."

"But do you think I’m ugly?" David said.

"You believe in God, don’t you? Do you think he thinks you’re ugly?"

"I don’t know, do you think God thinks I’m ugly?"

"I don’t think he cares."

"Why wouldn’t he care if I’m ugly or not?"

"Well, I would think he had more important things to dwell on."

"I don’t know what he would dwell on besides my ugliness... Do you think I’m ugly?"

"No, I think you have a wonderful face. It’s very symmetrical."

"You think?" David said.

"Oh yeah, it’s marvelous."

"My mother’s dead."

"She is, how come?"

"Her heart stopped beating."

"That must have been tragic?" Jimmy said while still reading.

"It was, she was my best friend."

"Your mother is watching you from heaven, that’s what dead people do, they watch us, even in the shower. I won’t even masturbate because I think dead people are watching. They watch all the time, every moment of the day, there’s a dead person watching."

"My mother sees me lying here in the mental ward."

"Yeah, she’s watching right now. She even watches when you shit."

"I don’t want my mother to know I’m here."

"She knows, and she’s crying a tear in heaven."

"Do you think I’m ugly? I don’t want to be ugly."

David gets up and walks in front of Jimmy’s bed.

He stands there retarded and drunk like.

"No one does, it’s horrible to be ugly. I’d rather be pretty than smart any day."

"You would?"

"Yes, of course. Why would anybody want to be smart, it’s such a hassle, knowing and understanding things. Intelligence causes suffering, but being hot, that just gets you laid."

"I haven’t been laid in three years." David said.

"That’s sad, you should save up and go to a prostitute. They’re very convenient."

"I would never do that, I believe in God."

"It’s obvious God doesn’t care about you, so I don’t see why you wouldn’t."

"But my mother would be watching."

"You’re right, she would... Why don’t you go to a bar and meet someone?"

"I get nervous around girls."

"I get horny around them."

"Do you think I’m ugly?"

"I don’t trust my own thoughts, so I’m not going to answer that."

"Please answer?"

"No, I refuse. You answer it."

"I can’t, I’m not you."

"No, you’re not. But I no longer trust my own thoughts, my thoughts don’t make sense anymore, I’m always thinking something I don’t want to be thinking, but I think I want to think. Then I think what I’m thinking is right and true, but then I think of something else that contradicts that, then I think some more, then I take pills and cry."

"Yeah, but do you think I’m ugly?"

"No, you’re beautiful, seriously, sit down, you’re making me nervous."

David goes back to his bed and lies down.

Jimmy keeps on reading.

"They put me on new pills," David said.

"How’s that working out?"

"I’m nervous."

"So am I, but then I touched myself while thinking of the Rocky Mountains."

"Sometimes I touch myself."

"Good, don’t tell me about it."

"I’m nervous."

"So am I, it’s unbearable. I’ll have to eat today, go to the bathroom, I’ll probably shit, and then I’ll have to wipe my ass. It’s such a burden to exist. There’s a lot a person has to do to get through the day, and I have no interest in doing any of it. Why can’t I be left alone, I don’t want to wipe my ass, it’s disgusting, don’t you think it’s grotesque."

"No, I enjoy it."

"Of course you would, you’re fucking sick."

"I’m not sick, the doctor says I’m normal, but do you think I’m ugly?"

"I like the doctor, he gives me pills. Some people say depression is all in your head, but I’m like where else would it be, in your foot... People are delightfully annoying... Do you like people? because I sure as hell don’t."

David stands up on his bed and scratches his bulbous tummy.

"I’m fat; you think I’m fat?" David asked.

"No, you’re like Adonis." Jimmy replied.

"I’m like Adonis?"

"Yes, you’re a Greek god David."

Melissa walks into the room and sits down the edge of Jimmy’s bed.

She is short and attractive.

"I got out of bed today," Melissa said.

"You did, that’s beautiful," Jimmy said.

"Yeah, I’m real proud of myself."

"You should never exalt yourself."

"The doctor says I should be proud."

"The doctor is a madman, he lies to small children."

"No he doesn’t, he’s an honest man," Melissa said.

"Don’t believe him, he walks among the dogs."

"What dogs?" Melissa asked.

"The devil dogs of the black forest," Jimmy replied.

"I doubt the doctor ever goes near a forest, he lives in Youngstown."

"So does Jesus."

"Jesus doesn’t live in Youngstown, he lives in heaven."

"No, Jesus is a crack addict named Tyrone that lives in the projects, he drives a Chevette instead of a donkey."

David is still standing on his bed.

I’m afraid." Melissa said.

"Of what?" Jimmy said.

"Of the day, the sun is out, there’s light, maybe it’s time for cigarette break."

"Ten minutes till cigarette break. I can’t wait, I’m so excited."

"Do you think we’ll ever get out of here?"

"Don’t know, don’t care. I don’t want to go back out there, I’ll have to get a job and function. In the mental ward, you don’t have to function, it’s great."

"I know, I like not functioning, it’s peaceful," Jimmy said.

"We’re wild humans, no one wants us out there."

"I had a job six months ago, I worked at Taco Bell."

"How’d that go?"

"The boss said I was doing a bad job, so I threw a taco at her head."

"Did it hit him or her?"

"No, it missed."

"That’s sad."

"Do you think I’m ugly Melissa?" David said.

"No, you look good David," Melissa said.

"Do I really?" David said.

"Yeah, do you want to have sex?" Melissa said.

"Can we?" David asked.

"You’re retarded Melissa," Jimmy said.

"Why, David needs to have sex, and I need sex to validate my existence. I haven’t had sex in over a month," Melissa said.

"Why do you have to be such a whore?" Jimmy said.

"I’m not a whore; I’m a good girl."

"There are no good people," Jimmy said.

My mother is a great person," Melissa said.

"Every time your mother comes in, she tells you you’re fat."

"I love my mother."

"Your mother is evil, evil I say, evil!"

Melissa jumps on top of Jimmy and begins punching him.

Jimmy throws her off.

"Take that back!" Melissa yelled.

"Fine your mother is not a crazy bitch; she’s a completely normal human being."

"Thank you."

"There are cameras everywhere; they’re watching you right now. Do you feel them, caressing your skin?" Jimmy said.

"You’re paranoid, there aren’t any cameras, it’s all in your head Jimmy. You’re a putrid little monster."

"I love you so much my balls hurt."

"You love me, don’t you? You want to have my babies, I know you do."

"I want to anally rape you."

"I knew it, you love me."

"I love our Lord and Savior. I’m married to Our Lady," Jimmy said.

"You’re not married Jimmy, you’re a loser, a loser!"

"No, I’m a winner actually. I graduated from college with a three point eight average. While you didn’t even go to college, you sat around being a drunken whore while I worked my ass off."

"I couldn’t go to college, I was too embarrassed."

"I want to hold you, come here."

"No, you’re a buttfuck. You make me feel like a loser."

"You are a loser."

"I’m a good person."

"So is my asshole."

"I help the homeless."

"The homeless are drunk."

"Unlike you, I do nice things for people."

"You don’t even listen when people talk!" Jimmy said.

"I’m listening to you right now."

"No you’re not, you’re waiting for your turn to talk."

"You’re a fucking asshole, all day you sit in your room reading because you think you’re better than us."

"I like to read and I don’t like talking to people."

"You’re talking to me now," Melissa said.

"Because you came in here, I’m obligated."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I want you to love me, I want to share a house with you, I want to grow old with you."

"No, you don’t. You just want to have sex with me."

"What’s your point, as long as you’re getting attention, you don’t care."

"Shut up, why can’t you be nice? You’re always so mean and vulgar."

"Lick my nuts lollipop."

"Do you guys think I’m ugly?" David said.

"No, sit down; you’re making me nervous," Melissa said.

David lies back down.

"My mother is dead," David said.

"We know, you’ve told us a million times. Get over it!" Melissa said.

"She’s watching you David," Jimmy said.

"Shut up Jimmy, his mother is not watching him," Melissa said.

"I thought you believed in God, didn’t you tell us all one day that he was coming back, and everyone but you were going to go to hell."

"He is coming back, and you’re going to hell when he does Jimmy."

"Jesus isn’t coming back, and I’m not going to hell," Jimmy said.

"Oh yes, you are. People like you go to hell."

"What kind of person am I?"

"A mean one."

"I’m a goddamn saint compared to you."

"I think you’re possessed by devils, my pastor said that some people get possessed by devils and that’s why they become mentally ill."

"I’m not possessed by shit, you’re ridiculous."

"My pastor is right, everything he says is true," Melissa said.

"You’re pastor is an idiot."

"You’re a turd."

"You’re a dirty monkey sinner."

"I’m not a monkey, God created me."

"God didn’t create shit, even God knows that."

"God created the world in six days."

"God laid around and smoked weed for seven days."

"You’re an evil monster Jimmy!"

"I’m pure of heart Melissa."

"Fuck you, I’m leaving!"

"Thank God!"

"Do you think I’m ugly?"

Jimmy, Melissa, David, and George are in the smoking room.

George is a man in his early thirties.

"I love smoking; it reminds me of the desert," Jimmy said.

"You’ve never been in the desert," Melissa said.

"I live in the desert, see that cactus," Jimmy said.

"What cactus?" George said while looking around.

"Do you guys think I’m ugly?" David said.

"Yes, David, you’re a monster," Jimmy said.

"Are you serious?" David asked.

"He’s kidding David, I find you very attractive," Melissa said.

"Quit leading him on!" Jimmy said.

"Shut up Jimmy, you’re a mule cock fucker!" Melissa said.

"I took a shower today," George said.

"How was that?" Jimmy said.

"I think I forgot to turn on the hot water," George said.

"Beautiful," Jimmy said.

"I want to go home, but my parents don’t like me," Melissa said.

"Don’t go home then, go to the desert," Jimmy said.

"I’m already in the desert," Melissa said.

"Walking alone," Jimmy said.

"Yes, and forever," Melissa said.

"You can stay at my house," George said.

"You live in a group home," Melissa said.

"I do?" George said.

"George, what happened to you?" Jimmy asked.

"My mother raped me repeatedly when I was little," George said.

"That’s horrible, you should kill her," Jimmy said.

"I tried when I got older, then they put me in the mental ward," George said.

"Where’s my gun?" Melissa said.

"Why do you need a gun?" Jimmy said.

"So I could put George out of his misery. It’s obvious that he’s doomed," Melissa said.

"We’re all doomed," Jimmy said.

"Yes, we are," Melissa said.

"Do you think we will ever see natural sunlight again?" George said.

"We would have to be let out for that to happen," Jimmy said.

"I’m leaving today, I know it," Melissa said.

"But where’ll you go, you’ve pissed off everyone you’ve ever lived with," Jimmy said.

"I will walk to the desert."

"The desert is three thousand miles away."

"I have a good pair of shoes."

"My mother died, I saw her die, they pulled the plug, and there she lay, dead. My mother, my mother!" David said.

"Did your mother ever stick her finger in your asshole?" George asked.

"No," David said.

"I’m not dead," George said.

"No, you’re not, you should be proud."

"I’m proud to be alive," Melissa said.

"You’re also a whore," Jimmy said.

"I’m not a whore," Melissa said.

"How many people have you had sex with?" Jimmy asked.

"Around forty," Melissa responded.

"How old are you?" Jimmy asked.

"Twenty-one," Melissa said.

"You’re a whore," Jimmy said.

"I’m not; I’m a good girl."

"You are the death of God," Jimmy said.

"Shut up, Jimmy. At least I’ve had sex," Melissa said.

"I’ve had sex, just with people I loved," Jimmy said.

"You’re incapable of love; you don’t have the ability to create bonds with people," Melissa said.

"I will one day, I know I will," Jimmy said.

"I was in love once, she weighed over three hundred pounds and had the most beautiful smile in the world," George said.

"What happened?" Jimmy said.

"I shot at her, so she left," George said calmly.

"Why the hell would you shoot at someone you loved?" Jimmy said.

"She was always eating my food," George said.

"Good reason," Jimmy said.

"My father shot at me once," Melissa said.

"How was that?" Jimmy asked.

"I cried for a long time," Melissa said.

"Sometimes I cry when I think of you Melissa," Jimmy said.

"Why would you cry for me?" Melissa asked.

"I cry because I feel sorry for you, because I love you," Jimmy said.

"You love me?"

"Yes, I do. I find you charming," Jimmy said.

"Ah... Maybe someday I’ll give you a blowjob."

"I can only hope."

"I haven’t had a blowjob in over three years... But I never liked them anyway," George said.

"I told the doctor I wanted to be free, so he gave me more medication," Jimmy said.

"Is it helping?" Melissa said.

"I don’t want to be free anymore," Jimmy said.

"What do you want to be now?" Melissa asked.

"Drunk."

"I was drunk when they brought me here. I drank a bottle of whisky, then I went to Denny’s, and picked up everybody’s cups in the smoking section and threw them at this picture on the wall of this one man walking alone in the desert. Then I got up on the counter and took off all my clothes. Then I think the cops took me here," Melissa said.

"What were thinking about when you did it?" Jimmy said.

"I was thinking about the time my dad threw me into the wall for spilling a cup of Kool-Aid once," Melissa said.

"Why’d you take off your clothes?" Jimmy asked.

"I was going back to the primitive," Melissa said.

"One time I stayed out in the woods for three days, until my parents found me and sent me here," Jimmy said.

"One time when I saw my mother at the store and she said hi to me, I went home and cut off my pinky toe. Look I have no pinky toe," George said.

"That’s fucking grotesque," Jimmy said.

"You’re deranged!" Melissa said.

"Do you guys think I’m ugly?" David said.

"Shut up monkey!" Jimmy said.

"No, you look good David," Melissa said.

"What do you think George?" David said.

"What, where, who, why, when?" George said.

"Do you think I’m ugly?" David said.

"I don’t think about you David," George said.

"What do you think about George?" Jimmy said.

"Right now I’m thinking about when I went to the marines, and I was doing push-ups. I had to do so many, it was unbearable. I was in Desert Storm, I killed people. It was horrifying. I think about those people a lot too... About their families, if they had kids, if they’re in heaven or not. I think a lot about those men... I killed people," George said.

"Well, you had to do it... If you didn’t do it, then Kuwait wouldn’t be free," Jimmy said.

"What do I care about Kuwait, I didn’t even know the country existed before they sent me there... And it sucked there too, it was completely impossible to find a prostitute there," George said.

"But you should be proud, you fought for America," Melissa said.

"I fought because they paid me," George said.

"I was little during Desert Storm; all I remember about it was those yellow ribbons everywhere. How come we aren’t putting yellow ribbons for the soldiers who are going to fight in Iraq?" Jimmy said.

"Because no one believes in this war... I certainly don’t, I’m a pacifist," Melissa said.

"You’re also a whore," Jimmy said.

"A whore can be a pacifist," Melissa said.

"Only in America," Jimmy said.

"I killed people," George said.

"Do you think I’m ugly George?" David said.

"Shut up David, the only reason you say that is because you want attention. And no one is going to give it to you anymore. So go fuck yourself you ugly piece of shit," Jimmy said.

"Fuck you Jimmy!" David said. Then he got up and ran out of the room crying.

"Thank God that piece of shit is gone," Jimmy said.

"You’re fucking mean Jimmy; I’ll never love you," Melissa said.

"I’m honest," Jimmy said.

"During high school I had sex with my best friend Joey Smith... He had a huge penis," George said.

"I’ve had sex with men too, there’s nothing wrong with that," Jimmy said.

"I’ve had sex with over ten girls. I love the softness of girls so much, but I love dick, and I can’t leave it," Melissa said.

"You’re absurd," Jimmy said.

"Shut up fag," Melissa said.

"How can I be a fag, and yet love you?"

"Because you’re deranged!"

"I’m not deranged; I’m a normal well-adjusted individual," Jimmy said.

"I can hear you masturbating in your room, it makes me horny!" Melissa said.

"I do it for you."

"I think I love you too."

"When we leave here, do you want to drive to Las Vegas and get married."

"Oh, that would be perfect."

"I got married once in Mexico to a prostitute. Her name was Leonore, she was a beautiful girl... She wanted to go to America, and work at a hotel as a maid. So we got married and came to America. We lived together for a while, and then she left after I pulled a knife on her, and said I would kill her if she ever ate all the ham again," George said.

"You have a way with women George," Jimmy said.

"Did you ever have a relationship when you didn’t try to kill the girl?" Melissa said.

"Once I was going out with this girl Jesse, she had the hugest tits... She left because one time she got really drunk and passed out, and when she woke up her asshole hurt like hell," George said.

"You’re fucked up George," Jimmy said.

"I’m a marine, semper fi," George said.

"I think I’m going to try to kill myself today," Melissa said.

"That sounds like a great idea. I tried yesterday with a shaving razor, but they caught me before I was done," Jimmy said.

"I’ve tried to kill myself eleven times, and I can’t die. It’s starting to get frustrating," Melissa said.

"I’ll get my dad to bring his muzzleloader when he visits, you’ll be dead for sure then."

"Yeah, I need a gun; a gun would do a great job."

"Guns are really good at killing people," Jimmy said.

"I killed people with a gun," George said.

"You shall not kill, that’s a commandment," Jimmy said.

"I know, I’m going to hell... When I die, I shall meet the devil," George said.

"When I die, I shall meet Jesus," Jimmy said.

"Jesus wouldn’t go anywhere near you, you dirty fiend," Melissa said.

"I’m holy," Jimmy said.

"You’re impure, and retarded," Melissa said.

"I have walked the length of the desert to get to my Christ," Jimmy said.

"I want to die and never wake up. No more reality, no more, no more," Melissa said.

"We’re just skeletons... Underground we will lie, while the world is still going on. Then one-day civilization will be gone, then, there will be no one to remember the great and horrible things humans have done," Jimmy said.

"Quit being so depressing... My doctor says we have to think positive," Melissa said.

"Yes, let’s be optimistic," Jimmy said.

"Someday we will get out, and we will be able to achieve our dreams, and be great citizens of America."

"Yes, one day, life will be beautiful... Life will be worth living, and we will live it."

"At one point in my life I was sitting in the desert shooting at people I didn’t know, for a reason I didn’t know... At another point in my life my own mother was fondling my penis... At another point in my life I was married to a Mexican prostitute... And currently at this point in my life, I don’t even know what day it is," George said.